Nov 5, 2018
When my daughter Breanna was about a year and a half old, she would look up at me after bath time and put her arms up, as if asking me to pick her up and lift her out of the tub. This was a defining moment for me, and I believe it defined her interdependence on me for her future. When she put her arms up, instead of lifting her out of the tub, I would give her my finger so she could grab it and step out of the bathtub with my assistance. This way, she would know how to get to the other side herself.
Not surprisingly, she didn’t like this! I figured, though, that if I just lifted her to the other side, she would be codependent on me and wouldn’t learn how to get out of the bathtub on her own. Of course, this is also relevant in other parts of her life! Giving her too much help would only lead to struggle and trouble. She eventually took my finger and climbed out of the tub, banging her knee and ankle in the process. She started to cry loudly, and I held and comforted her.
Two days later, my daughter
reached up her arms from the bath for me again. And again, I put my
finger out so she could take it and climb out of the tub herself.
She still wasn’t happy, but she managed not to bang her knee this
time! A few days that, she reached up her arms again. This time,
though, she reached up as if to say “assist me” instead of “help
me.” She went for my hand instead of expecting me to just lift her
out.
Helping other isn’t the same as assisting
others. This is relevant not only to raising children, but also to
business. Helping leads to codependence, and assisting leads to
interdependence. Codependent customers and prospects have a sense
of entitlement, and expect you to do more for them than what they
do for you. Instead of collaboration, they want a one-way
relationship.
Tune into this episode to learn how to create a healthy interdependent relationship with your clients, what exactly the difference is between codependence and interdependence, what overcare is and why it’s a problem, and much more. I'll also explore these three key insights that are critical to making you a highly skilled ethical influencer:
In This Episode:
[03:03] - We hear about the three key insights that Alex will talk about in this episode.
[04:19] - Alex shares a story about his daughter, Breanna Marie.
[06:30] - We learn how Alex’s point about codependence relates not only to raising children, but also to business.
[09:38] - Alex talks about what happened with his daughter a few days later, after her first couple of experiences getting out of the tub mostly on her own.
[10:28] - What is the moral of this story?
[11:28] - We hear about what, exactly, codependence means.
[13:13] - Alex now explains what interdependence is, and why it’s so much more positive than codependence.
[15:29] - Here’s the Alexism for this episode: “It pays to polarize your prospects, because they’ll either turn up the volume or they’ll change the channel.”
[17:20] - Alex talks about the role of overcare in a codependent relationship.
[19:58] - We hear about how overcare can function in a romantic relationship, or a joint venture partnership.
[20:52] - Alex quickly recaps and reviews the points and insights that he has explored throughout this episode.
[21:56] - Alex asks listeners for a favor in exchange for this episode: take a moment to go to this link. Once you’re there, leave your biggest takeaway from this episode as a review, and leave a star rating.
[23:51] - In honor of this 34th episode of All Selling Aside, Alex is giving away instant access to his powerful new video e-course! Go to this link to get started.
Links and Resources: